“ I’m sorry sir. We figured out why your bones keep breaking. You’re too fat. You have the density of a super massive black hole. Your bones snap like a 7-11 chicken wing under the pressure.”
“ Honey, don’t be scared of the man in the Freddy Krueger mask. The scariest thing round these parts: Unchecked Police Brutality.”
“ I deal with writer’s block by lowering my expectations. I think the trouble starts when you sit down to write and imagine that you will achieve something magical and magnificent—and when you don’t, panic sets in. The solution is never to sit down and imagine that you will achieve something magical and magnificent. I write a little bit, almost every day, and if it results in two or three or (on a good day) four good paragraphs, I consider myself a lucky man. Never try to be the hare. All hail the tortoise.”
I’ve started doing this thing to discourage me from buying CANDY and eating CANDY and it’s this: when I walk up the counter to purchase said CANDY I say (in my head) “Picking up a little bit of Heroin on this lovely Sunday evening!”
You’d think this would give me pause, make me rethink my purchase. It hasn’t. So I had to step of my game. I had to say it out loud.
"Good evening young man! I said to myself ‘What would make this Monday afternoon even better? A little bit of heroin!"
The clerk asked if I knew where he could get some.